blending mixing

there r so many things running in my mind now....
making me insomnia hmm

1st : i had a dream
is a scary dream
a dream which i can't hit my sales target
and actually is happening
aikssss
so, i can see how pressure and stress i am till, i can't utter to words from my mouth

2nd : fear approaches
my promise
my dream
it haunt me again...
and i need to face the fear of "if, i fail how"
cause i know
i cannot fail
i only can success
shit !

3rd : lovely kids
owh cute kids really make me wanna marry and get pregnant....
they are so pure and innocent and cute
i love them....
damm la !!! i'm still single weh...how to get marry and get pregnant
aih !


4th : commitment
36th years of marriage lifetime
it make me wonder
what is the core "thing" that can maintain this long relationship
and still so lovely
my father and my mother
they prove me that
actually fairy tale does happened
is just that it don't happened in kingdom
but it happened right in front of me
and prove that - love still around
they going through many of up and down
and yet...they still holding hand crossing finger tightly
never thinking of letting go
this love
which i can't see it in society nowadays
which this that making me losing faith on it
i hope i have the courage to truly love again

5th : hatred
my sis friend went to a camp
then is bout mentally innerly training....
what so ever
bla bla bla
she asked me a question
did you hate anybody by now ?
or example do you hate your ex
and my answer of course yes, but not my ex
is the bitch i hate
lolxxxxx ok i know is rude
and she said, is not good to hate...
cause it will stop you from growing
i know...
it will be part of my obstacle
one day i'll forgive her
now ? sorry i can't...

cocoon otw butterfly

-bad day-

there always up and down in life
and i feel that this is my down moment...
p/s : maybe not very down....but for me is quite down ady...

alot of thinking and feeling
i use to keep with myself
and keep it too well...
no body ever noticed
till ~~~ being misunderstand
p/s : is part of my fault, but why should i reveal all those emotion ?

well,
aquarius is a water
so
what happened to me now is...

i'm as a water
trying to fit into
a new bottles
a new shape
a new environment

i'm struggling to fit in
p/s : i'm very insecure actually, don't know what to afraid....is really don't know, and don't ask me why...i'm just insecure....i'm trying the best to overcome it...the problem is....i am the problem

i'm finding a way
a way of my way

i know i can make it...
hope it won't take too long to do so....
i'm not young anymore...i know it...
aikssss....shit

p/s : my hormone imbalance is really severe and terrible...it really affects me - innermost and outermost

不明白
为什么
要把小女人
硬生生的
训练成
大女人
-泪-

Separate Lives ~ Phil Collins / Marilyn Martin

and yes
we choose to separate lives
one day, i'll see into your eyes
but right now...
we living in separate lives...   

~bottle~

when your bottle are full with water
you'll hardly gained new spice in ya life

life is like a circle
it needed to be pour off sometimes
and
it needed to be fully filled at a moment

nothing maintain
nothing remain

the only consistency in life is
"it never change" is the changing of the life

wouldn't life be dull if your bottle is "too" full with water
till a limit which
new life could not be add in

25th

the number 25th
what does it indicates in your life ?
what does it means in your life ?

what is "25th"

is a stress
is a quarterly
is a turning point
is a decision making time

sentences that keep appeared in mind

~sigh~

~on fire~

i wish to make it grow faster
but i know
take-time-
rush will only make things crash

even tho the fire inside me is burning hot and strong
but,
i need to hold it and control it...

cause,
over flaming will only burn

it'll lost its shinning purpose
it'll lost its warming purpose

the pure and simple thoughts
will turned into ashes

-believe-
as long as still moving
as long as did not stop

the effort will paid

lost

struggling in between
feeling so hard now

still figuring how to overcome

overcome the unknown

hope it will be fine and be better

-insecure-

voices where have you been...
needed you so much...
your support meant alot